Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
