she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
