so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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