hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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