You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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