I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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