That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my phone needs a breathalizer
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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