Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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