her vagina looked like bernie madoff
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
