I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
