put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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