I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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