evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
