She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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