Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
