Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
