I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
