we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
