fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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