My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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