I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
