I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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