My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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