I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize