You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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