is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
