dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
