remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
you never un-have a 4some
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize