how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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