I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
