im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
