Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
