I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
