BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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