I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
