dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I know her cup size but not her name....
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
