Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
