doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
