just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Can I color on your dick again?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize