Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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