direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
