I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
