Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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