yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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