Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
