The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He felt like a one man threesome
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
