I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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