she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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