I want to make a zoo with you.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
