I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
