Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize