I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
