to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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