he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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