Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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