I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
