Pants 0. Shit 1.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
