I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
