I can text with my tongue
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
