somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
