Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
