This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i think my cat just said my name.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
