The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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