it was like his penis was on wheels.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
