That's when you crack a 10am beer
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
