There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
