what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
