We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
