Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
