i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
