When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize