The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
