i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
