The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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