dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
