I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
