I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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