you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
