If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
